I’ve been working a lot “behind this scenes” this year. That’s been a lot of self care, health care and so much more. I have no amazing stats to share like XX lbs or XX inches lost but I have had some great breakthrough moments for myself. This has been a challenging year to say the least but it’s all lead me to this very point in time. The point in which I’m grateful AND growing. Why the emphasis on both? Let me start from the beginning…
I started this year feeling homeless. I’m purposeful in how I put that because I am sensitive to those really struggling out there living in their cars, tents or on the streets. But in one sense I really was. Right around Christmas I had to vacate my space due to a pest and plumbing problem that left it inhabitable. Thankfully I have family local and i stayed there for about three months. For this routine oriented gal, that was very disrupting and especially during the holidays. Just as i was starting to settle back into my space again, there was another jolt to my life. My sister’s health took a turn and we later found out it was cancerous. She’s a tough one and isn’t going anywhere soon but it resurfaced a lot of feelings that I wasn’t aware were still there. Ok now we’re on a path of chemo for the next six months and that’s enough life shake ups for one year right? Nope, middle of July tossed another one my way and I’m now starting to navigate my new role on a new team within my Walmart eComm family. Change is good but no one said change is easy and that’s coming from a former anti-change individual–I used to fight change all the time.
So how does that bring us to the grateful and growing moment? Well along this way I decided I needed to make some changes to my life. Around April I (finally) found a MFT/Lifecoach and started meeting weekly. I recognized about a year ago that I have made some amazing progress in my life but letting go of past hurts, ways of doing and thinking was one progression I hadn’t made. I’m grateful for my progress and accomplishments but I will continue to grow and evolve. I’m happy with who I am today but always striving to be my best self!
When the health issues surfaced with my sister, I used that as an opportunity to take a look at my own health. I found that I had succumb to using some of my life challenges/growth opportunities/obstacles as reasons to settle into some old survival habits. These were starting to effect my health (physical and mental), happiness and well being. This was a good point to pivot and make some changes. I’ve felt a bit like my car going in for a 100K mile service, detailing and new full set of tires. That’s not a lot of spa treatments for me, it’s been a lot of medical professionals actually. I was doing the work on the surface but wasn’t doing the necessary work on the inside to take care of myself. Last year around this time that ended up in my first (and hopefully last) anxiety attack where I felt completely out of control of my body and feelings. Finding out the news about my sister was my “enough is enough” point and I knew if I ignored that feeling I was going to have another breakdown so I chose to have a breakthrough.
Good news here (and I’m grateful for it) I’m in good health! There’s more work that I need and want to do for myself though. So first was finding the right health program for myself. I’m appreciative of the progress and relationships I made when I was with WW but it didn’t feel like the right fit this time. So after consulting my PCP I’ve started with Enara Health. I’m about a month in and I’m already feeling better. This time it’s not solely about losing weight but really about becoming stronger and empowered health-wise.
On the work front, well there was no forewarning or plan ahead there so I’m doing the best I can on a day to day basis. I’ve met some of my new team (which is three times the size of my old team) and I’m looking forward to this role in which I’ll have the opportunity to be more involved in the business and grow personally and professionally. That’s thanks in part to myself in putting in the hard work and voicing where I want to be in the future. I’ve slowly built up my personal “board of directors” to help support me on this journey. I’ve also come to learn how to embrace who I am and how other’s see me professionally. It’s taken some getting used to as I always viewed my role as a “behind the scenes” kind of position. This is still a work in progress and i’ll speak more to it down the road.
Now back to my point of being grateful and growing….there’s a whole lot more of life that continued to keep on happening during those bigger events in my life. Life doesn’t pump the brakes for you just because of these kinds of things. There’s been other hard or uncomfortable moments sprinkled in there. In retrospect they’ve all taught me something and contributed to my evolution. I embrace that I’m a worthy and pretty awesome chick just as I am but I also thrive on striving to continue to grow and be better then I was the day before. This morning I could’ve woken up (and I did a bit) defeated or sad from the day before and the struggles I was forced to face but I’m choosing not to. I’m grateful for my life, my loves, my gifts, my accomplishments, my challenges, my failures, my lessons learned, my loves lost….all of those have led me to where I’m at right this very moment (on the couch in my sweats with the dog and my laptop) writing what I’ve learned thus far this year for myself.
Grateful and growing is about being appreciative for what I have (and not in just the tangible sense) and continuing to set new goals. I choose to not settle–not on a job, relationships or myself. It’s not a fast thing, more like slow and steady and I’m OK with that. There’s been a lot of growing this year and I’m committing to myself (and y’all as my witnesses) that I’ll spend the rest of this year being more grateful for it all. I recognize that there’s been some low points but there’s always something to be grateful for even in my lowest of lows.
So I’d like to start my grateful Fall by saying that I’m BEYOND GRATEFUL for my support crew–y’all know who you are–you’ve been patient with me, kind to me, understanding to/of me and embrace me when none of know what else to do in the moment to make it better. You know what I need even when I may not in that moment. You keep me from self destructing and words or gratitude isn’t enough there. From you I’ve learned to be grateful for and of myself too. Right now in this very moment, I’m worth it and enough just as I am. Whatever lies ahead is what it is and will be great because it’s what He has planned for me here. Grateful for this moment.