I heard this quote in a YouTube this week and this video sparked something in me that’s needed a good kick in the pants–kind of like my Mom used to do for me (and my Dad too)! It’s harder when you have to be the one to motivate yourself. Growing up I didn’t have alarm clock (or phones) waking me up–or even if when I did–I always had a parent/guardian there to make sure I physically got out of bed, got dressed and got my day started even when I didn’t feel like it. She was my weather lady–“c’mon get up, it’s a beautiful day out, don’t waste it in here!” She was my stylist–as much as one can be when I wore a uniform Monday through Friday! She told me “I can” even when I felt like “I can’t.” She was my barometer in life. When she left us too soon–even though it was years since she was my wake up call–I’d somehow lost my way. I felt like I was lost, I felt like I wasn’t capable to move on without her. I felt like I’d lost my best friend and moving on wouldn’t be worth it without her.
Then I started to take steps to live again–I got active and walked daily, I started eating better, I went back to school (something we’d talked about me doing for years), and I started to live again! I started to feel like I could do this on my own. I graduated with my Masters, I got a job again after being unemployed for almost two years, I’d shed 170lbs, I let go of those who were holding me back and not supporting me in my efforts to be the best me. I felt like I had figured it out, how to live without her.
The rest of the quote is this:
“At the end of your feelings is nothing, but at the end of every principle is promise. Behind your little feelings it might be absolutely nothing, but behind every principle there is a promise. And some of you in your life, the reason you’re not at your goal right now is because you’re all about your feelings. You’re all on your feelings–you don’t feel like waking up. So what, who does? Every day you say no to your dreams you may be pushing your stuff back six months, a year…”
There were (and still are) days when I don’t feel like getting up. But those days are much fewer then they were seven years ago, 6 years ago, and even 5 years ago. I get up every day because I realize I physically can. I had to start small and give myself the goal to get up every day I wake up, because I can and I vividly remember the many days that she couldn’t I’ll never forget the first time my boyfriend asked why I couldn’t just sleep in and relax and do nothing. I never realized that I wasn’t. But then I told him. I felt like when I wouldn’t get up, I was wasting the blessing I was given by waking up that day. All I have and am guaranteed is right now. If that meant that I could get up go about my morning then head out to run and get hit my a bus, well then dang it I was going to make the most of it. I’d go out knowing that I got up and tried. Which leads me to this feeling…
I came to learn that living that way wasn’t living for myself but for others–in particular my Mom. So I hit my next “slump” of how do I live for me. This is what I’ve been trying to figure out for the last two years. Sounds like a long time but time has seem to fly by since the first time I realized this.
Here’s what I’ve come to realize….feelings are powerful. They can be powerful for and against your efforts. As said in the quote above, you can feel like you don’t want to get out of bed–hinders you. Or you can feel empowered by achieving a goal you set–helps you. But the “nothing” part that’s mentioned. That’s what caught me and stopped me. After a feeling passes there is nothing. Sometimes they are fleeting and go as quickly as they came. But a principle…what is a principle? I looked it up:
“a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.”
That’s powerful! That’s long lasting! That will impact and be sustainable in life. It’s not a reaction (note the definition of feeling in the link provided), it’s a foundation!
So now what? Stop feeling? No, that’s not the point here. I’m choosing to work to focus on the principle more than the feeling. A principle is truth, a feeling is opinion. I’d even venture to say that my intuition/gut is more principle than feeling. I’m choosing to let go of what holds me back–fear, uncertainty, feeling like an outcast/awkward one, not feeling good enough, being the victim, etc. These hold me back, they keep me from achieving my dreams. Every day I think about them and feel what that was like to be that person once, I postpone my dreams for who knows how long. Then often I turn around and complain about why things aren’t happening in my life–sooner, faster, at all. I’ve talked about getting out of my own way but I couldn’t until I really realized and understood what that meant. Holding on to these feelings was what kept me in the way of myself. Now’s the time. Now is the time to let them go and really move on. It’s time. These four walls have sheltered me for 8+ years and now I’m breaking them down and starting fresh and new.
The coming posts won’t be about food or weight-loss or even health. I’m planning on writing about what’s been holding me back all these years–physical/sexual abuse, morbid obesity, failure/drop out, being cheated on, being unemployed/broke, being the outcast kid, and losing a parent “young”–and how it’s going to help me achieve my dreams! It’s time, it’s time to write and to write about IT. I’ve been holding on to feelings to make them last but that’s the wrong idea. Good memories will never be lost and principles last, not feelings. It’s time to let the feelings go and move on. All signs I’m seeing are reinforcing this!
Here’s the link to the video I spoke about–so grateful it found me: